Twi-shite.

So for the UCLAN local culture magazine PR1, i had to write an anti Edward Cullen rant to go up against a Pro Twilight rant from a Stephenie Meyer lover who'll be defending Ed's corner.

It wont actually be in print until later this week but i thought i would put it up here early. I don't really feel all that strongly on the subject, although saying that, this was kinda fun to write and i was able do it way quicker than most other things. Anyways, check it out below!

So what happened? Since when did returning from the grave make you resemble some boy band pin up? Somewhere between life and death things took a turn for the lame.

Don't get me wrong, Twilight did the impossible; it created a geeky movie franchise just for girls. Thanks to Stephenie Meyer, common household geekery is no longer solely assosiated with guys who can recite The Empire Strikes Back verbatim and spend perhaps a few too many days playing Warcraft.

Now we have hoards of so called Twi-Hards - Team Edward and such - who would literally rape Robert Pattinson's face if they were given half a chance.

A girly, geeky franchise is cool, but did it really have to come at the expense of one of Hollywood's coolest characters - the Vampire?

I don't think things will ever be the same. Earlier this year pretty boy Edward Cullen topped cinema advertiser Pearle and Dean's 'Most Popular Movie Vampire' list. Wait; let's think about that for a second.

Did people confuse stony glares and a fancy hairdo for un-dead badassery? What happened to the Lestat de Lioncourts? There's nothing cooler than Tom Cruise's rotting body playing the piano in Interview with the Vampire while he mutters "Claudia, you've been a very naughty little girl".

Or what about The Lost Boy's David with his gang of bloodsucking bikers? Sure, they have mullets and hang out around a greased up sax player, but they guzzle blood and hunt teens like there's no tomorrow.

These are fine examples of neck chomping nasties that aren't afraid to show some teeth or bite some wrists. Has Edward "I only kill animals" Cullen usurped their throne? He doesn't even have his own spooky castle; even Count Duckula had one of those.

Vampires don't glisten when exposed to sunlight; they burst into a horrific orgy of flames and screams, that's just what happens. It's simple Vampire science. Vampires don't watch you sleep; they kill you in your sleep. Never has a walking corpse had such a hard on for girls since Hugh Hefner.

It makes you ask yourself, if these guys were real, how long would this Twilight poster boy survive? Not long i bet. Putting all your supernatural, otherworldly abilities to work by playing a family game of baseball instead of kicking arse are we Cullen? I think Blade wants a word.